Bye Bye Anxiety

My trauma-based therapist, Mollie Dixon of Seafarer Counseling—who has truly been a blessing in my life—encouraged me to write a letter to my anxiety and then burn it as a ceremonial act of letting it go. The process was cathartic. There was something powerful about speaking directly to something that is no longer serving me and telling it to leave my life.

Interestingly, it took a while for the paper to catch fire and fully burn. In that moment, it felt symbolic—like my brain and heart were struggling to release the pressure I’ve placed on myself, and to let go of the coping mechanisms I’ve relied on for years to get through difficult times. When I read the letter aloud to Mollie, I found myself overwhelmed with emotion, even sadness, at the thought of letting go of something that had been such a long-standing crutch.

The brain is a peculiar and complex thing. Anxiety—something I have resented and that has made me uncomfortable for years—has also, in its own way, been a kind of security blanket. It has been familiar, even comforting, during life’s most trying moments. I was surprised to find tears of sorrow welling up as I read the letter. Something I once “hated” had also become deeply intertwined with who I am.

In the letter that follows, you’ll see that tension: my disdain alongside a strange sense of appreciation, reflecting the complicated, almost codependent relationship I’ve had with “Mr. Anxiety.”

But now, it is time to say goodbye—to a feeling, and to a practice, that no longer serves me.

Dear Anxiety,

For many years you have kept me under your control under the false pretense of keeping me safe, you have controlled me. As time has gone by you have pulled the puppet strings of my life by giving me a false sense of security, by tricking me that I needed you to ensure that my surrounds would be ok. You have brought me to lows, taking over my brain, taking control of my thoughts and who I am. You lured me into you- you make me feel bad about myself. You implant terrible thoughts, thoughts I would never had if your evil talons didn’t grasp and twist what I know to be true. Anxiety- you are a gaslighting, manipulative relationship- and I am breaking up with you.

I don’t need you anymore. I don’t need the false sense of comfort that you used to bring me. The over protection, the entrapment of being inside my own brain, ruminating on thoughts and fears that harmed instead of helped me. You were created through fear and trauma and served your purpose. I needed you, but then time has come where I don’t need you anymore.

Thank you for being a steadfast presence when you were the only thing that was constant, the only thing I felt like I could count on. New consistency is moving in, and the space is limited, something must go, and it is you. Calmness, self assurance, peace and hope need to take your place and the tolerance for your antics has been worn thin. If worry needs to stay, just know that there is only a small space available to ensure that the rest of my brain stays sharp in regards to solving problems.

So long anxiety-you are unwelcome back-ever again. And know- that if you try, and you will, I am strong and more prepared to make you a permanent thing of the past.

Goodbye, respectfully of course.

Alana